Thursday, July 29, 2004
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
The tale of the Mighty Giant Bean
Long ago in a forest far away, (It was a magic forest so that no matter where you are on the planet, it is always far away, depending on your definition of far of course. That is to say that it was never all that close at hand and also means that it was in some sort of freaky other dimention where one can never get where it is going, but that is neither here nor there.) there was a man named Oliver. Oliver was a small man who came from a long line of ancestors (much the same as everyone else) who never had any excitement or ever went on any adventures of any kind.
‘Wait a second, this is sounding a lot like Lord of the Rings. Oliver isn’t a Hobbit is he?’ boomed a voice from what looked like a bowl of jellybeans and sounded quite like what you would imagine a narrator would sound like.
No he isn’t a hobbit, I was just thinking that myself. Startling coincidence though, don’t you think?
‘No, I don’t. I am a bowl of jellybeans. Since when do they think? You must be crazy, talking to yourself an giving innocent bowls of jellybeans who just happen to be laying around voices and the uncanny ability to think coherently.’
Anyways, Oliver was out doing some wholly unremarkable and completely uninteresting thing when he decided to do something that had it been noteworthy in anyway would have been recorded, but seeing as it was not, was lost in the sands of time, or dead leaves of time, or whatever you feel the need to describe it as when someone decides not to write something down because they don’t want the reader to become comatose from boredom. So, while he was doing this copiously boring task, a mighty giant bean jumped out of the forest and came running at Oliver with the sharpened stick he decided was a good idea to use as a weapon.
Oliver didn’t like the look of this particular mighty giant bean, so he took down his ordinary cast iron frying pan from the nail it was hanging from and hit the bean on what could be argued was his head hard enough to knock him unconscious, or at least as unconscious as a bean can be. He then took the bean’s pointy stick and threw it in the fire.
What happen next may shock and appal some of you, so I encourage anyone with a weak stomach to skip to the next paragraph or just keep reading because it really isn’t that bad. What happened next was that he decided it would be a good idea to string this so called mighty bean (lets face the facts here people, how might can a bean, no matter how giant, actually be?) by what could be argued as would be his feet and hang him next to the frying pan until he was dead and dried. Gruesome, I know, but I’m just telling the tale, not making it up.
That’s the end of the story. What? I never said it would be an interesting tale. It is about a bean and a guy who never does anything interesting for crying out loud! Did you think he would just get up and go on some grand adventure and encounter dragons, trolls and end up uber rich and living with elves? Hahahaha. Yeah, right.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Songs of the day: Packt Like Sardines In A Crushd Tin Box by Radiohead and L'Enverse A L'Endroit by Noir Desir
First ever Fangorious Leap Award of Excellence goes to Matthieu Doell for signing my program 'To my favorite go-go dancer'. It was funny at the time. Congratulations.
Summary in seven words: William Shatner singing, now that is funny!
Sunday, July 25, 2004
1) I will never eat Juicy Fruit again! I was open-mouth shocked at the new Juicy Fruit Blue commercial where this guy goes around playing guitar and in every place someone takes his guitar and smashes it over something, once even by a nun! Then it cuts to some guys in a guitar repair shop chuckeling and saying 'sweet' and nodding emphatically. Perhaps it is just because I am a guitar player who just got a new guitar 3 days ago, but that really seemed completely wrong to me.
2) I walked into the TV room to see my dad giggling to himself, saying something along the lines of, "Hee hee hee, Canada beat the US in the women's long drive competition. Hee hee hee."
3) There was something else, but I forgot what it was. Suffice to say that it was quite witty, funny and would have made a great third segment to this oddly numbered post. If there are any mind readers out there, feel free to post what I was thinking of (I would but it is hidden in the unreachable, by me, secret areas of my mind) in the comments.
Summary in seven words: Don't eat Juicy Fruit if you play.
Saturday, July 24, 2004
For those of you who can’t see at the back, yes, Catherine is sitting on a telephone book, and no it doesn’t look like it’s helping all that much. Ladies and gentlemen and those near enough, for those of you who don't know me, my name is Sam, a complete novice at public speaking and I have this overwhelming urge to prove it to you today. I am the photographer and the clean-up crew also, so please smile when I take your picture and don’t make too much of a mess.
I met Dave, or as we have come to know him, Yeddi or Sir Eats-a-lot in grade eight when he and his family moved down here from Ottawa. Dave’s always been a fluffy sort of romantic guy at heart, not towards me of course, but occasionally he would tell me some of the things he was planning to do for what he always referred to as his ‘future wife’. He would tell me of where they would go and things he would get her… of course I won’t mention any specifics so as to not get him in trouble before they have been married a day, but one thing I will mention is a song he wrote on the piano for ‘her’ way back in High School. It was slow and romantic and from the heart and now incomplete because now that Dave actually has a wife he can’t remember how it starts.Catherine I met in elementary school where she was ironically one of the taller girls. She has always been an active girl, likes to rollerblade, run around in tiny concentric circles, that type of thing. We used to play squash every once in a while, well, I shouldn’t say we played squash so much as we went to the squash courts. The matches mostly ended up with Catherine rolling on the floor laughing, me leaning against the wall laughing and Dave walking in and wondering why nothing either of us said seemed to sound coherent.
To bring things to a conclusion, I'd like to thank you all for coming, and let me just say that if you've enjoyed listening to this speech as much as I've enjoyed making it, then I offer my most sincere apologies. Good luck to you both and I hope you have a long and happy life together.
Summary in seven words: I hate giving speeches so very much.
If you have trouble navigating the site, please send me an email so I can completely and utterly fail to recieve it and be of no use to anyone.
I finally got my new guitar and it is amazing in sound quality, looks and functionality. It is much better than I expected and has some features that I wasn't even aware were available, not that I will ever use them, but it is nice to know that they're there. Here is a link to see what it's all got and to see how pretty it looks.
Summary in seven words: No internet, but a new guitar. w00t!
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
I attempted writing some Java script today for the first time and made myself an eightball type of thing with 26 different responses, some of the imaginative, some of them quite dull. It has been posted along with my Bio on the new site, link to be provided shortly as mentioned before.
If any one is curious, or needs ideas (not that mine are good enough to copy), let me know and I will post a copy of the speech I had to give this weekend. I figure it would be a pity to have to write a speech and then only have 30 people to listen to it (many people had left by the time I gave my speech), so I offer it to the internet if there is any interest at all. If not, I couldn't care less, unless of course it was a speech that someone else had written, then I think I could care less, but as it is, I don't really care all that much.
Summary in seven words: This was the least substantial post ever.
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
An interesting concept.
A funny mockery of table manners and ancient religious writings.
An interesting money making scheme.
Also, why doesn't spell checker work in this Firefox browser?
Summary in seven words: Many apologies for the stupid link post.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Watched Golden Eye with the boys today before their play rehearsal. They play shows on Friday to Sunday and is called Arms and the Man. I'll probably go Saturday and see the show.
Summary in seven words: Celebratory cigars were a good idea. Play.
Saturday, July 17, 2004
on during the reception and for the pictures I have to take as
photographer. Taking pictures for other people always makes me
nervous. I finnished writting my speech this morning. I
think it is good, short, but then I am a big fan of short. Short
post today, I have to go get ready.
Song of the week: Dandy Warhols - Bohemian Like You
Summary in seven words: Nervous about this wedding. Don't screw up.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
My recently installed Mozilla Fire Fox browser seems to display everything very differently, including my blog. At least it isn't Microsoft, though they have come out with some good things, I don't like the idea of supporting a huge evil corporation bent on sucking every penny out of us, petty computer users.
Summary in seven words: Great short film but otherwise crappy day.
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Summary in seven words: Shopping sucks, so do beards. Improving French?
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
The next thing I noticed was a delivery type of truck that appeared to be made of one single molded piece of metal with sleek looking contours on the sides. Perhaps these trucks are widespread and I just have not come into contact with one yet, but it looked like something out of a futuresque sci-fi movie where they have all this uber cool technology but still drive on rubber wheels instead of hovering because they ran out of money before it came time for the special effects.
Summary in seven words: Andre's relative works at the music store.
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Leprosy, little pieces keep falling off of me. I'm not half the man I used to be.
Anyone who can tell me where that reference comes from wins an unspecified prize.
An old man who always sits on his porch wanted me to play music for him today as I walked home with my guitar. I told him another time as I was exhausted from moving a friend (I may have posted about him as 'the yeddi' previously) into his new place. He has tonnes of stuff including 3 full garbage bags full of shoes. How many guys have/need/want that many shoes? Needless to say, it was a long day, made longer by the uncomfortable rides from Montreal and between places (I was stuck in the middle because I am the smallest and the middle seats in a U-Haul are apparently not meant for one of my stature). I also nearly got murdered today, but I've decided I won't press charges.
Summary in seven words: Sorry if that was a bit disjointed.
Friday, July 09, 2004
Also, check out Ilana's review of Farenheit 9/11. I didn't see it with her, but I did share some of the same reactions after seeing the film. She talkes more specifically of the film, so go and read that too.
Summary in seven words: Read Wes' Random Lunch and Ilana's review.
I went to the most ghetto of theatres today to see Fahrenheit 9/11. First of all, the movie posters were all black and white photocopies stuck to the wall with duct tape. Second, the tickets were printed and indeed looked like a receipt that you would get from a grocery store, blue ink, odd shaped rip marks and all. Third, my knees touched the set in front of me which is never cool, especially seeing as I am only 6'2" and my friends are all equally tall or taller except for one who is about 6 inches shorter (posts on this site as Senior Soupe and apparently likes eggs as he wrote on the Tagboard to the right). Also, the guys at the snack counter were behind a cage of Plexiglas with a little hole to speak into, too short for me, too tall for the El Senior, and a hole not quite large enough for the popcorn and drinks to come out of. This theatre also came with its compliment of creepy old men. One of them sat right next to a friend of mine, not in one of the 5 empty seats to the end of the row, but in the seat next to him, and not right before the movie started but the whole 15 minutes we waited for the previews to start. I was told he smelled a bit off the mark as well. I did smell something funny, but I just figured it was the guy next to me or some stench left by the guy sitting in my seat before me.
There isn't much that I can say about the movie that hasn't already been said on hundreds of other sites, except that which pertains to me specifically. The film made me angry, not because it wasn't good because it was, but because of what has been going on and what has been allowed to go on in the USA with President Bush. The movie didn't really convince me of anything that I didn't already think before seeing the film, it just brought the feelings to the forefront. I was never a supporter of the war in Iraq, nor can I ever be convinced that it is a good idea. It also made me think more about the media and how most of what we hear is censored by someone and more often than not it is either directly or indirectly the Saudi investors as they own AOL Time Warner and consequently control CNN and Time magazine, two of the largest and most respected news agencies around today. I know I am in Canada, but we hear so much American news with satellite etc. it isn't funny. There is a joke that the CBC gets its news by watching CNN and I wouldn't be surprised if there was truth to that with all the government cutbacks. Anyways, though this film was quite one sided, so are all the other media forms that we see all around us. Bias is unavoidable, not completely.
My anti-American sentiments are at their all time high at the moment, and I don't think that I'm the only one around who feels the same way. I sense a lot of this type of feelings around, both in the movie theatre (intensely so in the theatre) and outside. One of the ways in which the Liberals tried to slander the Conservatives in this latest federal election was to say that they wanted to be buddy-buddy with the USA and that if Harper was leader, we would be at war in Iraq at the moment. The conservatives didn't win a single seat in my province. How's that for bias and slurring the truth? I can do it too, Moore. Watch out, you have competition (I only wish I could make a film like him). I know that most Americans are good, fun, hardworking, likeable people and it isn't them that I have a problem with, but the people that they elected, or didn't, whatever the case really may be. I don't seek to offend any Americans reading this blog, this is just how I feel, how I see things from above.
Summary in seven words: Thunderstorms. Fahrenheit 9/11. Please, take no offence.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Does anyone else ever get the urge to have turtle soup? Everyone I talk to about that particular type of soup gets all disgusted and runs away yelling something obscene about my callous heart. How is turtle soup any different from chicken soup in that regard? Yes turtles try to run away even after their head has been cut off, but so do chickens, geese, ducks and any number of other animals, yet I don't get the same reaction when I say, "I have a hankering for some good chicken soup." If anyone is interested in trying it, this recipe looks tasty. I have never actually had the soup, but I do wish to try it some day.
Summary in seven words: Definitive answers for life and turtle soup.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
From : Alan Anderson
Subject : bo logh - 'engmey
> Seriously guys, how many people actually speak Klingon?
Depending on how generous you are with the phrase "speak Klingon", there are
anywhere from dozens to thousands. Probably only about twenty or so can be
considered "fluent". I estimate that more than a hundred are capable of
reading and writing well, but still need to look up many of the words in the
> Can you and your roll-playing group have full length conversations in it?
For the most part, we're language fanatics, not Star Trek fanatics. Our
roleplay is typically limited to one evening at the annual Klingon language
conference, when we have something like a talent show, though many do wear
Klingon costumes as "advertisement".
But we indeed carry on full conversations exclusively in Klingon. Some even
"take the vow" at the conference and speak no English for an entire day, or
> Do you guys pretend to plot the end of Kirk and his pesky Federation?
No, but we sometimes wish we could get rid of Worf. Michael Dorn has been
historically indifferent, if not outright hostile, to the idea of Klingon
being an actual language.
Alan Anderson, professional programmer and amateur Klingonist
proud member of the Klingon Language Institute since 1995
qo'mey poSmoH Hol -- language opens worlds -- http://www.kli.org/
I encourage all of you to go here and leave sarcastic comments so that you too can get serious responses proving once and for all that trekkies have no sense of humour, and if they do, they seem to hide or ignore it quite well.
Summary in seven words: Klingons have invaded, run for your lives!
Update: Look at the new Google!
Monday, July 05, 2004
|No smoking around Sam. Thankyou for your co-operation.|
Interesting quiz, and oddly truthful since I don't smoke, nor do I plan on taking it up anytime soon.
I also drew some fabulous stick men in various poses doing various things on a piece of collective artwork that our band is putting together. I can only draw stick men and they seem to fit, so I am happy. I especially like the crazy wide mouthed doppelgangers all over the place.
Summary in seven words: Swimming, collective art is cool. Sunburn not.
Saturday, July 03, 2004
-burn 35 DVD's
-bring said DVD's to Dan's house
-design labels for disks
-go to location and set up equipment
-carry our game plan with a few creative embellishments
-have much fun doing it
-end up taking 5 rolls of film
-pack up everything
It is amazing how many people will let you take their photo without a word if you look professional and you are holding a good looking camera.
-make\eat breakfast with Mel
-go to 'the asylum' and get awesome ice cream on the way from the factory
-play some songs on guitar for my sister at 'the asylum'
-walk around the place acting like I know people
-go to campground
-play more guitar and eat a lot
-go home and play with dogs
-go to Mel's grandmothers for a family gathering (not my family, but I know many of them)
-end up talking to Heather and Mel most of the time
-forced to eat because I'll "waste away" if I don't even though I'm not hungry
-play weird lawn bowling game
-write blog after ripping out DVD burner for business associate, Dan
Family gatherings can be fun even if it isn't your family. The coolest thing happened while I was there. I was talking to Heather and a butterfly landed on her leg and stayed there for about 5 minutes! Also, there was a little girl who was running up to everyone asking them if they wanted to see a real toad which she was carrying around in a tiny tupperware container with about an inch of water inside. I asked her where the toad was later on in the evening and all she had to say was "in the car", so chances are it is doing a funny upside down dance at the moment. She is now either scared, or has deep respect for me now.
Summary in seven words: Toads in tupperware with water is bad.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Summary in seven words: Don't try to blog on Canada Day.